Finally! Here it is. I’m kind of eh about it, but i’m never satisfied with anything I write anyways. Let me know what you think! There’s some Russian thrown around in there, the words have links to the meaning. If you’re Russian, and what I said is the wrong form or verb tense, blame google translate haha. Enjoy :)
Chapter 1: The Problem with Time
The problem with time, is that he has too much. It allows him to think, to feel things he probably shouldn’t Everything feels as if it’s on a standstill, and he’s operating on neutral. He’s aware that days are going by, but he’s not sure if he’s living them or if they are just bypassing him, and he’s stuck in one moment, stuck on repeat.
“I’m so sorry baby” are the first words out of his mother’s mouth as he enters his parents’ house.
“Maks” Val says in warning, as he glares at his brother. Maks puts his hands up, and takes a step back shaking his head.
“He didn’t tell me anything. Zendaya called me to tell me the news” she grabs his face, staring at him with her lips turned down in a sad smile. “Moy rebenok. I’m so sorry” she says again, squeezing his cheeks tighter. Val brings his hands up to hers, removing them from his face. He kisses both of her wrists gently, and she looks up to smile at him.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about Ma. It’s not a funeral” he jokes lightly.
“What do you mean?” she asks. Her head is cocked to the side, an action Zendaya always results to when she’s confused. He sighs at the comparison.
“It’s not…we’re not…There was never anything there Ma.” He mumbles, causing his mother to exhale in frustration. He can feel the waves of pity radiating from her.
“For such a smart boy, you really are an idiot. takogo otkaza” she says in finality, as she walks away from him.
Maks turns to pat him on the back, and laughs.
It hasn’t even been a full week after hearing “the news” (as his entire family has gone about calling it) and he’s back in the same restaurant. He’s not lost in the constant irony that is his life, and manages to produce a small smile as Zendaya waves him over. She hugs him enthusiastically, and he turns to plant a lingering kiss on her temple. She chuckles giddily, and pulls away.
“Always good to see you gummy bear” she says with a smile as she calls him by his nickname and he’s hit again with thoughts of how good they could be together. He chides himself for treading dangerous territory, and busies himself by looking around their table.
“Are we expecting someone else?” He asks referring to the extra chair set up next to her. She nods her head and opens her mouth to answer, when a voice speaks from behind him.
He can tell who it is immediately from the way Zendaya responds; all brighter smiles and starry gazes. Val hasn’t even eaten yet, but he suddenly feels sick.
Admittedly, he might be a little peeved that Trevor’s bombarding his and Zendaya’s weekly lunches. Okay, he’s more than a little peeved. It’s not that he doesn’t like Trevor, because he does, it’s just… it’s a lot of things, and he just can’t deal with this today; can’t deal with them and their loving gazes. He usually doesn’t mind third wheeling it, but when it involves the girl he’s in love with and her fiancé, he’s not up to it. At all.
Trevor leans towards Zendaya, kissing her on the lips, and Val turns his face away, clearing his throat.
“So there’s a reason why all three of us are here” Zendaya starts once Trevor is seated beside her. Val looks at both of them questioningly. “We wanted to ask you something”.
“So we all know how close you and Z are…” Trevor tries to finish for her.
“I want you to be Trevor’s best man!” Zendaya interrupts excitedly “You’re my best friend, and you obviously can’t be my maid of honor; man of honor. Whatever. That would be all types of Patrick Dempsey weird, you know what I mean? So Trev thought it would be a good idea when I suggested it. So what do you think? Please, please say yes Val.”
The silence that follows is deafening, and the air feels strange all of a sudden. Zendaya looks so earnest and hopeful though, it’s kind of painful. Trevor catches his stare, his eyes narrowing, and Val wonders for a fleeting moment if Trevor knows; if he knows how he feels, and he’s going along with this just to intentionally hurt Val. It seems as if his feelings are transparent to everyone but Zendaya, so surely Trevor must be able to see them too.
The longer the silence lasts, the dimmer Zendaya’s smile becomes, and Val knows he should probably say something. And honestly, this must be a new record for the level of speed his heart beats.
It’s a nice thing to ask someone if the situation was different, and his feelings weren’t involved. But they are, and as much as he wants it to be, the situation isn’t different. And he’s struck with the gut wrenching realization that this is all he’ll be able to have of Zendaya. He’ll always be so close, yet not entirely close enough to have her. He’s stuck staring at the surface, wishing he was at least close enough to graze it.
And it’s a feeling that he’s become familiar with lately. The feeling that his walls are quickly closing in, his breath coming in short and he needs to be somewhere, anywhere else but here.
He’s not sure what he says, but he may have mumbled a quiet and hurried sure I’d be honored then made up some excuse about an appointment and left as soon as he could. All he sees in his mind is Zendaya’s confused frown; worry etched all over her face, and Trevor’s curious gaze following him as he scrambled to leave, and fuck fuck fuck he’s such a fucking idiot.
So this is where he is now, hiding away from the world. He always prided himself in never being a coward, but now he’s every definition of it. And he doesn’t care at all. He’s done. He’s so damn done.
missed call from: Zendayachka :)
11:38 am 2 days ago
text from: Zendayachka :)
12:05 pm 1 day ago- Val! I called you yesterday! You never called me back :(
2:39 pm 1 day ago- Dude call me back, or I’ll be forced to take drastic measures. White Boy Boogie anyone?
3:01 pm 1 day ago- Okay I didn’t mean that. I’ll leave that one buried in pandora’s box haha. Seriously call me back
“This needs to stop” Maks says above him, and Val just shuts eyes tighter against his words.
“What?” Val says, and he can hear Maks sigh.
“It’s not healthy” Maks tries again, but Val pretends he can’t hear him. He doesn’t want to hear anything anymore.
text from Zendayachka :)
10:06 am today- Lunch with me at 12:30 at Ai Fiori. NO EXCUSES. Stop ignoring my texts btw, I know your phone’s not broken. I CAN READ MINDS YOU KNOW
10:08 am today- Okay fine. Maks told me it wasn’t broken. BUT I CAN STILL READ MINDS, and yours is saying you’ll be there at 12:30 sharp! Don’t dress better than me :p
11:30 am today- You’ll be there right??
Are you sure you want to delete this thread?
It’s 12:30 pm. He doesn’t show up.